


Of Exes and Imaginary Jonathans

by LiberAmans214



Series: The Last Ride [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cas is mad at Dean, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Castiel is Not Innocent (Supernatural), Castiel is So Done with Dean Winchester, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Destiel Parallels, Destiel breakup, Drunk Texting, F/F, M/M, Original Female Characters - Freeform, Post Episode: s15e06, Stop Hurting Cas 2k19, Supernatural Season 15, basically cas gets advice from two gays on how to deal with his breakup, destiel fight, post 15x06, supernatural 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberAmans214/pseuds/LiberAmans214
Summary: Cas is done with the case, but he can't see another fish (or the lack of one) hanging from his rod, anymore. Heknowshe's going back to the Bunker, to the boys. He has to, eventually - because might want to move on, but he cannot do it while their lives are still in danger. While Chuck is still around. Sam needs him back. Dean...well, Cas is sure Dean won't think much of his return. S'not like he cares.So Cas goes to a bar, and he isn't exactly expecting to be befriended by a queer college couple in their twenties - one of whom keeps reminding him of Dean for all the times the other reminds him of himself, and who have several pieces of advice to offer.Bypassing drunk-dialling, and Ross-ing it up, they land on the most unique way out. Texting to the wrong number. And Cas knows exactly what he wants Dean to hear. What he isn't prepared for, is Dean's answer, the following morning.[BASICALLY, its Crack based on @super-sootica's text post.]
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Last Ride [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539529
Comments: 18
Kudos: 101





	Of Exes and Imaginary Jonathans

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
> 
> Dean receiving a text that just says: _‘I know right? Dean is such a dumb bitch!’_ , immediately followed by ‘ _Whoops, wrong convo lol_ ’ from Cas. 
> 
> But there was no other conversation. Cas is just feeling that petty right now.
> 
> [ By This Awesome Bean! ](https://super-sootica.tumblr.com/)

Castiel is not in the mood to study the drinks list, but he knows he isn’t a Winchester, who saunters up to the bar, doesn’t even have to summon the barkeep, and orders an immensely cool sounding drink from memory. Or in the case of Dean - makes plain whiskey sound cool. ‘Straight’ or ‘on the rocks.’

He’s _Cas_ , so he seats himself awkwardly on a barstool, waits until he doesn’t have to compete for the bartender’s attention anymore, and orders the first thing on the menu whose ingredients he recognizes.

“Well?” the blonde bartender asks. She’s got a kind look in her eyes. Freckles too.

“Hot tati,” he declares. She nods at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s got a tattoo, which looks like Enochian for ‘H,’ which was probably not the point - it also resemble a heart too, but of course the alphabet is what he registers first.

“Strong?”

“In proportion to the honey peppermint,” Cas tells her and she smiles like he’s funny before she turns around to make it. Meanwhile, Cas looks down at the glass counter and through to the fancy shot glasses and tumblers on display.

They’re glistening like they have drinks poured in them. Kind of like tearful eyes.

He thinks about his day.

He’d gotten rid of the djinn fairly quick, though the healing afterwards had been cumbersome. He’s thankful he was able to do it. Now that he’s thinking about the monster, he’s thinking of the djinn’s alias and he’s soon thinking about his own cover. 

Just like that, he’s thinking about the phone call and he’s thinking about Dean.

“There you go.” She places the drink before him and Cas pulls it closer absentmindedly, handing her the money. He doesn’t reach for any change. “I’ll be on that side of the bar, if you want something else, alright?” 

Cas nods. It’s a good drink, so he smiles politely as she disappears. He holds the glass with his right hand, and his phone in his left, staring at the completely dark screen. Cas doesn’t know what he’d been expecting from Dean - but it hadn’t been the conversation he got.

Dean hadn’t said a single thing to him.

He’d just updated him on the status of the world ending - something Cas had promised himself he’d wait until the morning to think about - and nagged at him about checking his messages from Sam. Dean hadn’t talked about that day. Or how he was doing. Asked nothing about how Cas was either. 

Was Cas the only one who couldn’t stop thinking about it? 

He was almost disappointed now, though he’d just been irritated the entire time Dean had been there.

Dean had been adamant that Cas check those messages, hadn’t he? Cas fiddles with the lock button on the side of his phone and takes another sip. It isn’t supposed to taste like _anything_ to him, but it tastes more of whiskey, than sweet. If this goes on, he’ll even end up drunk.

Nothing is happening like it should.

Cas puts it back on the counter, the tall glass mostly drained. He feels fuzzy around the edges.

“Scared of committing?” Says someone.

“To the drink?” Cas returns, eyebrows up in his hair, as he turns to face the voice. It’s a woman, her chin propped against her palm, and her elbow propped against the slab, and she’s staring him in the eyes.

Cas realizes he should’ve just said, ’ _excuse me?’_ But now she’s smiling at him.

“Nope, I mean it, like,” She straightens a little, and Cas can see she’s wearing a sleeveless jacket, when she uses her hands to gesticulate as she speaks. He never understood the purpose, because it’s not even zipped up, but he remembers Dean finds them pretty. “ _That’s_ a drink which just went through a break up. Right up there, on the got-dumped shelf, along with white frigging wine.”

She’s obviously drunk. Drinks don’t break up.

“So, yeah. Did you catch yourself a commitment-phobic fish?” She repeats, grinning, not unkindly.

He likes her smile. It’s warm, somehow. He takes another sip from his glass.

Then, he blinks. Shrugs. “Well, he probably was that too.”

“Look who’s nice and petty. I _like_ you.” She coos, dragging her stool an inch to his. “Doesn’t look like you’ll be ordering sad whiskeys to brood into tonight, though you’re _definitely_ serving the looks for it.” She pauses abruptly, and turns to the woman who’d got him the drink. “Doesn’t he look like he’d make a good brooder, Heli?”

When 'Heli’ doesn’t reply at once, she turns back to Cas. “Sorry 'bout that. I’m way too gay, but she’s bi. Ergo, a _way_ better judge.” She drawls out the 'way’, almost sings it. “Nevermind. Look sad again when she comes back here, okay? I’ll ask her then.”

Cas nods, and he’s smiling without really knowing why.

“I’m not sure, but do you need to talk?” She turns a little bit serious. “I think you want to talk about it.” She holds out her hand, like Castiel’s supposed to shake it. “I’m Dimitri, if you don’t just want to rant to a stranger.” Cas shakes her hand.

“He thinks I’m everything that’s wrong with the world.” Cas says, truthful enough, and he finishes off his glass. More would be nice. “I’m Castiel.”

She cackles, after her eyebrows go down from the 'he’ bit. It’s a genuine laugh. “I get that, really. My girl once thought I got her mother to dye her hair purple.” She rolls her eyes theatrically. “I think she was jealous of how her mother totally pulled it off, but geez, did she freak out on me.”

Cas isn’t the best at social interactions, but he doesn’t think this is a good time to mention that _his_ guy thinks Castiel killed his mom.

That’s when Heli comes back, and she greets Dimitri by kissing her over the counter, before turning back to Cas. “Something else for you?” She directs at him. “And I had zero idea mom could use filters, and you’d been kidding about her hair the last night, you know. You don’t get to blame me for freaking out.” She adds, in her Dimitri’s direction.

“Yes, please.” Cas pushed it towards her. “Another. Stronger.” The alcohol overpowers the honey anyways. What’s the point?

“Tell me more.” Dimitri nudges him. “If I’m gonna hate him, I need more material, Cas!”

“You wouldn’t be able to hate him -” Cas begins, but Heli speaks over him, handing him his glass back, with a smirk in Dimitri’s direction.

“Just as an aside, Cas? You’re absolutely allowed to ignore her.” She teases. “I’m Helena. And Dima here thinks she’s making my job easier by talking to the patrons like bartenders in media are expected to do, though I keep telling her it’s not the same thing without the towel on your shoulder, and a glass to wipe, in your hand.”

Cas grins.

“Hey, I’m getting good at it!” Dima insists, indignantly. “I _correctly_ guessed Cas was drinking over an ex. And he was just about to tell me what a massive douchebag the guy was, so _go_ on, do your inside-of-the-counter thing, babe. I’ve got this.”

“Well, he’s not my -” Cas begins, but he’s cut off again.

“We should get a booth.” Dima suggests. “Sorry,” she apologizes immediately, holding her hands up. “Last time I cut you off, I swear, but let’s go get an actual table. I have all night, and talking about it helps. Believe me.” And as if throwing in an incentive that’ll seal the deal, she winks at him. “I’ll buy your next drink.”

Cas contemplates it.

He has nowhere else to be, Helena makes tasty drinks that make him feel lighter inside, and he likes Dimitri already.

If he thinks about it, she looks like what Meg may have looked like, younger - and being reminded of her might be making him more nostalgic than two glasses of toddy’s supposed to get him at, but it doesn’t matter. She’s making him think of an old friend.

He misses having friends.

And, she’s probably right. Maybe he does want to talk about it. Telling someone who isn’t related to it at all seems easier, and somehow more secure too. Maybe this will get it out of his system, and he won’t think about Dean anymore.

“Okay.” Cas says out loud. She beams. “Thank you.” He adds, for good measure.

“Shuddup.” She chastises him. “Everyone should get to bitch about their ex, Cas. That’s like, a basic right. And hey, _am_ I really gay, if I’m not there for my fellow gays?” She chuckles at her own line. “You know what? Go find a table. I’ll order for us. What are you drinking?”

Still overwhelmed by how simply, randomly nice she was, Cas shrugs again. “I have no idea.”

It feels good to finally confess that.

*

“He said _what_ about your son!?” Dima gasps, looking positively appalled. “That bitch.” She seethes, softer. “What did _you_ say to that?”

“I -” Cas begins, feeling her repulse resonate with himself, too. He gets cut off by Heli, landing another tray on their table, and plopping down next to her girlfriend.

“Ooh.” Dima gets distracted, momentarily, reaching out for her pink glass. “Time-out, Cas?”

Cas grins, and notices he’s been doing that a lot tonight. He picks up his own drink. “Thank you, Helena.” He knows bartenders aren’t supposed to serve them to your table, but apparently Dima gets privileges.

“Yeah, yeah.” Heli waves at him, dismissive of his gratitude. They’re both so good. “Let me know if you need a different drink, huh, Cas? We’ve got lots of options. And drinking over a breakup works better if you actually get drunk.”

“I was wrong before.” Dima declares, sagely. “Whiskey would be too boring for you. You’re the type who’d drown their sorrows in pink, Cas.”

Cas frowns. “Am I?”

“Depends.” Heli steps in. “Not everyone can get drunk on that stuff. It’s pretty, and it’s sweet, but it doesn’t really work so good.” But she side-eyes Dima, teasing again. “ _Some_ people, on the other hand?”

“ _Fi-ine._ ” Dima complains, slumping in her seat. “You’re embarrassed of my alcohol tolerance. We _all_ get it.”

“Cas, you won’t believe this,” Heli seems to be used to Dima’s whining, and leans towards him, to continue. “To top it off, she’s also Russian. Dating a bartender, _and_ from the homeland of Vodka. And this person starts talking about the fifth grade toothpaste fiasco on her _second_ daiquiri.”

Cas laughs. They bicker so much. And they’re just so - _so_ in love, that it’s still beautiful.

“Yeah, I’m horrible.” Dima sighs, dramatically. “Someday, you’re gonna find someone who can hold their alcohol, but for now, _I’ll_ have to do. So, shut up and kiss me.”

Heli laughs now, and leans towards her, whispering before she gets there. “No offense, but I’d rather have you, woo-woo-drunk or not.”

Cas is stunned. That - that’s familiar.

Dima giggles, and they pull off fairly quick, probably owing to Cas’s presence. “I should get back.” Heli tells them both, standing up.

“Get us both WooWoo’s the next time, babe!” Dima calls after her, and turns back to Cas, happily. “Those are _so_ good. Have you ever had one before?”

Cas shakes his head.

“They’re quite like purple nurples, if you’ve had one of those?” She suggests.

Cas shakes his head, again.

“Wow, compared to all the times you’ve said Dean drinks, _you’re_ poorly educated in liquor, Cas.” She points out.

“He mostly just drank beers.” Cas remembers.

“So, he _is_ old.” She agrees, and proceeds to the story. “Well, what about Jack? What did you say to Dean then? _Please_ tell me you told him off.”

“Well, I…”

*

Cas is telling Dima about when Dean went off with Ketch without telling him - he skips the parts about apocalypse world, though it’s hard to think straight at this point, when Heli comes to their table with daiquiris for the both of them.

Heli’s returned to their table many more times, it’s a weekday anyways. It’s the tenth - he’s _guessing_ \- time when she declares that she has to go tell a group of people that they’re cut off for the night.

“Frank was very sure I wasn’t supposed to let his group drink past five each.” She tells them. “But Yuri’s been serving them. Telling drunk people they’re cut off is one of the least fun parts of the job.”

“I’ll go with you!” Dima says, eyes shining.

Cas starts to smile, but he’s struck with a sudden pang of - _something_. Remembrance. This had been him. He’d been prepared to follow Dean anywhere. If he’s being truthful, wouldn’t he still do that? But now, he tells himself, he’d only do it if Dean asked him to. There’s a difference. He has no idea how he felt about that.

Heli just laughs. “That’s completely unnecessary! I’ve got this, hon. I’ll be back in a while. By the way, just as a warning, I’m cutting you off in a while too.” She tells Cas directly. “I stopped serving Dima alcohol a long time back. That’s just pink sugary fluid.”

“I beg your pardon.” Dima frowns at her. “This _is_ alcohol. I know how it tastes.”

“Or do you?” Heli winks, and pats Cas before leaving them again.

Dima turns back to Cas, with a sigh. Cas is still a little bit taken aback by the pit in his stomach. She misreads it. “Oh, I’m sorry? I do want to hear the end of your story, but in case she needed -”

“I get it.” Cas admits. “Trust me. I do.”

Her eyes soften. Heli’s right. She’s almost surely sobering up. “You’re thinking of him again,” She points out. “Really loved him, didn’t you?” 

“I do.”

“Shit.” She says, under her breath. “Well, now I hate him even more for making you sad. Seriously. Fuck him. Technically, I mean, don’t. He doesn’t deserve to have you. _You_ deserve better, Cas.”

Cas stares at her. 

“What? I’m right. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, at the very least. Everyone does, but especially nice people. You’re nice.” She smiles, just speaking the first thing that rolls off her tongue. Cas admires that about her. “Anyways, where were we at? Southern guy with pirate jackets who called you his uncle?”

“No, not Benny.” Cas reminds her, trying to stop thinking about deeper stuff. Stuff that hurts. “We were on Ketch.”

“Right. So, the gelled-hair Brit who kinda had the hots for your guy.” She nods. “Go on.”

And Cas does, and she listens, and he’s never talked about these things before, and it doesn’t matter that he’s having to skip so many details because he has to keep it murder-free. He still gets to talk about it. And it feels better than he’d imagined, but it also feels worse.

*

When Heli lands across from Cas for the final time, it’s the end of her shift. Dima has been listening with so much attention, that she basically jumps when Heli puts her hand around her. 

“Heli.” She instantly turns, her eyes wide with sympathy. “The kind of emotionally repressed they’ve been all their life? It’s scary.” She turns back to Cas, and Cas chews on his lip. He can still see her, but he can’t focus on her expressions. He’s only ever been this drunk once before. “I mean, Dean didn’t even say ‘I love you’ back, the first fucking time! Could you imagine?”

“You should’ve dumped his ass sooner.” Heli tells him, passionately. “What kind of an asshole -”

“He’s not a bad guy.” Cas defends, though he feels stupid doing it. He’s riled them up, by telling him all the things Dean’s done him wrong, but hasn’t been able to tell them all the things Dean’s done right for the Universe. That’s why they hate him. “Don't -”

“You need closure, Cas.” Heli objects, cutting him off. “You need to know that it’s not your job to defend him. He’s at fault here, for multiple things, and you’re allowed to be mad at him without nullifying the good bits of him, which obviously you still remember because you have loved him for twelve years of your life.”

Cas is silent. She’s older than Dima, perhaps closer to 30. She’s wise. 

“I have to go back tomorrow.” Cas confesses, for the first time. “They need me back.”

“Who’s they?” Dima asks, frowning. “I thought your son got, what didja call it? Taken by your dad.”

“Yes. And I’m worried he’s not okay with that, and the last thing he thought was that we would abandon him. We were going through a rough patch as a family.” Cas evades, not really lying. “But I can’t go to him right now. I was talking about Dean’s brother.” Cas smiles a while. “He’s who needs me back, mostly. We’re friends. And I hardly suppose Dean will ever need me back.”

“And you don't need him either!” Heli protests. She’s more aggressive, though Dima’s the one who’s heard it all. She just picked up the highlights. 

“It doesn’t matter if he needs you or not, Cas.” Dima corrects. “He’s got to want you there. And I get that you’re friends with his brother - twelve years is a huge deal, I was literally in middle school twelve years ago, so of course you have a bond with him too, but you’re not obligated to go back ‘cause he needs you, unless you want to do it, Cas. Being a good guy is a good thing, but what you need matters more. And if this brother’s a good guy too, he’s gonna understand.” 

That’s inconsequential. Of course, Cas had to go back. That wasn’t even an option. He couldn’t tell the girls about God, or about the end of the World. He couldn’t tell them how Sam had lost so many friends recently, that Cas couldn’t bear to be one of them. He couldn’t tell them either that it didn’t matter if Dean didn’t need him back or want him back - because if his life was at risk, and with Chuck around, Cas didn’t trust anyone to be safe anymore; he had to be there. 

Cas didn’t know how much of an angel he was anymore, if he could sit there and be as drunk as he was - but the Winchesters were still his charges. 

“Cas?” Heli’s voice was softer too. “Did I - I’m _sorry_. That was rude.”

“No.” Castiel sighs, truthfully. “It wasn’t rude.” It stung, yes, but that’s just because Cas _did_ need him. She might have aimed for brutal honesty, but it felt like a lie to him. “I was just, uh, distracted.”

Dima puts her hand on Castiel’s. “Cas.” He lifts his eyes. 

“My shift is over.” Heli finishes for her, and she sounds as annoyed at declaring that as Dima looks. “And as much as I’d like to let you chicks talk some more, we need to be getting back.” She shrugs, sharing a look with her girlfriend. 

“We do.” Dima sighs. “Where will you go right now, Cas? You’re very drunk, though I don't get why you’re not acting like it. You should - maybe you should come with us.” She turns hopefully towards Heli, now. Cas blinks. “We have a pull-out couch. I don't want you to be alone, and Heli gets what you’re feeling like right now, she’s had tough breakups before. You should spend more time with us -”

“I have a room.” Cas tells them. He cannot believe how kind some people can be. As if offering a listening ear, and being more friendly than Cas’s ever had anyone be to him wasn’t enough. They’re ready to give him a place to stay, even. Of course he couldn’t do it to them - bring to their home the kind of troubles that are associated with the supernatural. They’re such nice people. Such a beautiful couple too, Dima’s in college and Heli’s got two jobs; while Cas is old, and living a lie. Plus, he’s a stranger, and the fact that they offered him a place to stay is a huge leap of faith as it is. “In a motel by the lake. It’s alright. But _thank you_.”

They both study him, with complimenting stares of curiosity. 

“Are you sure?” Heli asks, this time. Cas nods. “Do you really have to go back tomorrow?”

Cas nods, again. He doesn’t know if he’s sad about it. 

“It isn’t fair to you.” Dima grumbles, pursing her lips. “Did you even get to do all the fun things you do after a breakup? There’s been so little time.”

“Yeah, have you had a hookup yet?” Heli joins in. “I don't know your type, but there’s some guys I can vouch for in this bar, who’d be happy to do it. It isn’t a true breakup without rebound sex, is it?”

Dima, for almost the first time, was glaring at Heli. “Don't suggest Ross-ing it up, Heli! Excuse her, she’s gross.” She adds, only to Cas. “Instead, tell me this. Have you drunk-dialed him yet?”

Cas’s eyes widen.

“What? You’re drunk. You’re a _silent_ drunk, and a subtle drunk, but that’s too many drinks to not be drunk. And you have his number. So go nuts!” Cas keeps staring at her, so she goes on. “Come on. You were fighting the urge to unlock your screen before. Staring at it in want. You were almost about to drunk dial him when I cut in, weren’t you?”

Cas is almost convinced, but in the nick of time, he’s saved by Heli. 

“So, flings are gross, but embarrassing yourself completely on the phone is perfect.” She retorts, rolling her eyes. “Drunk dialling’s a thing of the past. Now’s the age of wrong-number texts, sweetheart.” She gestures at Cas for his phone, and he doesn’t think much before giving it over. 

Dima rests her chin on Heli’s shoulder to look. Cas leans across the table, as Heli clicks on the ‘messages’ icon.

“You have a _lot_ of messages from some Sam.” Dima smirks. “Some guy trying to make his move while you’re on the market?”

“No.” Cas corrects, horrified. “ _He’s_ Dean’s brother.”

He doesn’t even have to worry about Heli clicking on those unread messages, because she doesn’t even go close. If she had, she’d be reading about Rowena, the noble witch, and Eileen, the rebirthed ex-ghost, and Chuck, the evil God. But she had the courtesy to not even ask. 

The last message Dean’s sent Cas is thankfully normal enough not to provoke conversation. It’s in regards to the patrolling of the ghost-invaded town. Dean’s basically asking him to ‘take care of the west, something came up’ - because he’d gotten news of an encounter in the north and had to abandon his station in the west. Sam had been asleep, and Dean had been forced to ask Cas for help, though he hadn’t been talking to him more than what he _needed_ to, anyways. 

It probably seemed to the girls that the message was about a child named West, and they didn’t comment on it. Cas is too busy thinking of before, and his phone vibrates to notify that messages have been sent. Heli looks up at him, proud of herself, and Dima is giggling. 

**_Dean_ ** **  
****_< << _ ** **_I know right? Dean is such a dumb bitch!_ ** **  
****_< << Whoops, wrong convo lol_ **

Cas stares at the screen, unable to realize what’s happened for a beat, and then he takes it in his hand. He can’t help the smile which seems to grow on his lips, as it properly sinks him. 

That’s so brilliant. 

He wants to tell Heli that Dean isn’t a dumb bitch, but he resists the urge - content to stare at the screen, almost trying to will the blue-tick, which would indicate that his messages have been seen. 

“Whaddya think?” Heli pokes him for his attention. 

“This is…” His voice trails off. “Really an efficient way of -”

“Letting someone know they’re a dumb bitch, indeed.” Dima completes. “I love this. Used to do it all the time when I was young, to make Mom think Dad got me good stuff so she had to do it too, and then I repeated it on Dad, and boy, did it work.” She beams. “They were divorced.” She justifies to Cas, because clearly Heli’s heard this story before, she’s laughing as well. Cas looks a little bit taken aback, so she hurries to add. “ _Not_ because of that.”

“Oh.” Cas nods. “Right.”

“Isn’t that better than drunk dialing?” Heli urges them to agree. “You’re in control! But oops, your thumbs aren’t. Clumsy them, indeed!” She laughs, and Cas hears himself joining in. This is genius. 

“Look at that evil glint in his eye, Heli!” Dima teases, grinning. “You’ve created a monster. He’s going to stay up all night doing this, aren’t you, Cas?”

“No.” Cas hesitates, but he probably is. 

No, he definitely is. Maybe only now the alcohol’s started to work it’s way up to his brain, because he certainly feels uninhibited. He feels prepared - for what, he isn’t sure. But he’s certainly ready. 

Tonight is going to be fun. 

“You hesitated.” Heli points out, standing up. “We should really get going now. All of us. Cas, c’mon, we’ll give you a ride to your hotel?”

“I can drive.”

“The law begs to differ.” Heli tells him, and Cas finds that uncontrollably funny, and laughs all the way to the backseat of their toyota.

Once the car’s moving, Cas has to tell them where he’s staying, and it takes him a fair bit of thinking to do it - and soon after, Heli’s pulling into the parking lot. 

“Not bad.” She frowns. “But you’re travelling alone, so it works, right?” She goes on to complain about the grit in the parking, and has never reminded him of Dean more than she does, in that moment. 

Dima hands him back his phone when he gets down from the car, and Cas is surprised because he doesn’t remember giving it to her. He really _is_ out of his senses. “There. I’ve saved my number in there, as ‘Dima The Experienced Gay’, in case you forget who I was, okay?” Cas shakes his head. He really never will forget these two. “And really, don't hesitate to call. Even if you just need to talk, okay? And you can totally call me tomorrow and tell me how your night went, okay?”

Cas raises his eyebrows. “My night is almost over. I’ll go to bed now.” There’s no way she knows that he doesn’t do that, right?

“Sure you will.” She winks, and immediately after, surprises him with a hug. She’s much shorter than him, and can only hug his chest, really. Heli looks taller, but there’s only an inch and a half of difference. Cas thinks that’s the perfect bit of difference. “Just make sure to have your story straight about any imaginary dudes you make up, okay? That’s the experience talking.” Dima adds, punching on his arm slightly, as if for encouragement, when she pulls back, and gets back in the car next to her girlfriend. 

“Goodnight, Cas.” And they drive off, leaving Cas to stare at their car all the way outside to the road, and then he’s all by himself - sad for a moment, and he’s thinking about how nice they were again - he’s going to miss them, for sure. Then he goes into his room, sits down on his bed, and takes off his coat and then from it, his phone - and is _suddenly_ reminded of the brilliant prank again. 

He opens his phone to Dean’s chat. He hasn’t been online for a while, but Cas knows he’ll check his messages in the day again, and that gives him consolation for not getting to see his reaction now. 

Cas takes off his shoes and belt, and empties his pockets, and leans his back against a pillow, sitting on the bed properly now. He takes a deep breath, and opens his phone again, and rereads the messages. 

**_Dean_ ** **  
****_< << _ ** **_I know right? Dean is such a dumb bitch! [SENT 11:27 PM]_ ** **  
****_< << Whoops, wrong convo lol [SENT 11:27 PM]_ **

He wants to write something else, now. He wants to see how it’d feel. What could it write?

Heli had sent those ones. Cas wouldn’t call Dean a dumb bitch. Who knew, with the kind of ridiculously self-deprecating Dean was, he’d probably just nod his head to it. That’s not what Cas wants. 

He doesn’t want Dean to hate himself. He doesn’t want Dean to think Cas thought that of him either, but he’s easily too drunk not to worry about that yet. He also doesn’t want Dean to find an excuse in the fact that he was either of those things, and justify his behavior, the next time they have an argument. 

He _wants_ Dean to be jealous. 

That thought escapes him from no particular corner of his mind, so he doesn’t know which to scowl at. That is ridiculous. Dean wouldn’t be jealous. He wouldn’t care.

But he’s his own voice of reason, and he’s his own voice of madness - and the liquid courage helps him further along the line. Soon, he’s sure he’s going to do it, and thinking only about what he could say. 

It doesn’t even matter, right? It’s just going to accidentally get sent to Dean’s number. 

It doesn’t have to be things Cas has ever said in front of Dean. Because Dean reading this is going to be a mistake in itself. And so, Cas can say whatever he wants, and Dean isn’t allowed to think it’s weird, because Cas isn’t saying it to him - and considering the fact that Dean will hardly care about whatever he says, just sends him hurtling ahead. 

He knows what he’s going to say. 

He just needs a name, to make it more real. A name, a perfectly common name, that Cas would be likely to meet, at any point of time.

He’s bad at names. 

He looks around himself, trying to search for a name. It’s a strange thing to do, be looking for a random name, but it’s also so easy, because he finds it right on his bed. It’s the name of the mattress company - the label’s sticking out, and Cas has to attribute it to the housekeeping staff’s lousy bed-making that he finds a name so soon.

 **_Dean_ ** **_  
_** **_< << OMG Jonathan, you are the best <3! Never thought I’d meet such a great hunter!_ **

Cas rereads it. A strange kind of satisfaction fills his heart. 

He knows it’s spiteful, but he also really doesn’t want to stop. 

**_< << _ ** **_OMG Jonathan, you are the best <3! Never thought I’d meet such a great hunter! And you’re not a broken down shell of a man either! So glad I met you :)_ **

Why does this feel so right? Doing this - texting Dean and pretending it’ll be to the wrong number? It gives him way too much of a thrill than it should. He’ll ask Dima if it’s normal, tomorrow. 

He’s getting drowsy, which shouldn’t be happening as well, but he keeps typing. 

**_< << _ ** **_OMG Jonathan, you are the best <3! Never thought I’d meet such a great hunter! And you’re not a broken down shell of a man either! So glad I met you :) My life really started that day!_ **

He thinks of sending it at that. 

That should be enough. But he’s having way too much fun to do it just yet. 

**_< << _ ** **_OMG Jonathan, you are the best <3! Never thought I’d meet such a great hunter! And you’re not a broken down shell of a man either! So glad I met you :) My life really started that day! I’ll see you for brunch, okay? _ **

Brunch. Dean mocks brunches, whenever Sam suggests them. They’re too cringey for him. So Cas will take Jonathan for brunch. Makes sense. He has half a mind to go on about Jonathan’s wonderful driving skills, and his great taste in music, and how he doesn’t look like a lumberjack at all - but his brain threatens to completely shut down if he doesn’t stop, so he does. 

Before he ends up asleep, without having sent his precious message and added the ‘wrong convo’ of course. 

**_< << _ ** **_OMG Jonathan, you are the best <3! Never thought I’d meet such a great hunter! And you’re not a broken down shell of a man either! So glad I met you :) My life really started that day! I’ll see you for brunch, okay? [SENT 11:53 PM]_ **

**_< << Whoops, wrong convo again, ha! [SENT 11:54 PM}_ **

And with that done, he all but drops his phone on his chest, as his head lulls and he lets sleep take him. 

Half stretched on the bed, but sitting from the waist up, on top of the blankets, he stops thinking about everything, and it’s easy from there. More drunk than he had assumed, and feeling comfortably smug about what he’s just done, he falls asleep almost instantly, and sleeps longer than eight hours. 

*

He wakes up, and is firstly surprised that he’s _waking up_ . Then he processes his surroundings, the stench of his shirt, and the phone in his lap - and it all clicks in place. _Oh_. 

Yesterday, he’d met Dima and Heli, in that bar, and he’d gotten drunk, and talked about Dean, and the girls had texted Dean, but not really him, and then _he’d_ texted Dean, but not really him, and then Cas had fallen asleep. He remembers the exhilaration he’d felt at clicking SEND, and his vivid imagination of Dean’s responses, in his dreams. He remembers it all, and lounges on the bed doing so - until he realizes that it’s past eight o’clock, so Dean must have read his messages. He must’ve -

Cas springs up, and picks up his phone, immediately opening the chat in question. 

His eyes widen, as he reads, and then rereads the message.

 **_Dean_ ** **_  
_** **_> >> _ ** **_Hey it’s Jonathan [SENT 7:31 AM]_ ** **_  
_** _> >> Send noods [SENT 7:36 AM]_

Cas has no idea how anybody is supposed to react to that. He’s in beyond his depth. Clearly, he’s expected to say something to that, but he cannot imagine what, so he stares at the screen for an entire minute, trying to gather what he’s supposed to gather from it. 

Then, losing all his resolve from before, he’s scrolling through his contacts for ‘D’. 

“Cas?” A sleepy voice answers. 

“Dima!” He panics. “Dean - he texted back! I was -”

“Calm down!” She instantly returns. “Whatever it is, we’ll handle it! I’m going to put you on speaker phone, Heli’s right here, and we can both blame her entirely if it’s something bad.”

“Who’s that, Cas?” Heli says to Dima in the background, and she sounds like she’s mostly just annoyed to be disturbed in the morning, but is trying to be polite. Cas doesn’t really know what to do with that, he knows he shouldn’t have called, but all he can do with that is be reminded of Dean some more. “Hey, Cas.” She says to him, and sounds way more concerned, probably because Dima conveyed some message to her. 

“Read his text out, Cas.” Dima instructs. 

“Read yours out first.” Heli says, and that’s probably smarter, but Cas flushes. He doesn’t know how to read out something like this. He wants to say that it’s unlike him, or that he didn’t mean to do it, but he swallows his pride and reads it aloud. 

They listen, Heli occasionally ‘huh’ing at him to go on, even an amused scoff once, but Dima stays quiet all the way to the end. When Cas reads out Dean’s message, they gasp in unison. 

“He’s _good_.” Heli grits out, almost. 

“That’s not the point.” Dima states, eerily serious. “That was _cheeky_ . And he thinks Jonathan doesn’t exist, and implied it too. _Cas_ , don't you get it? This is war.” Cas swallows. “What time do you leave for Kansas?” She adds. “Because we need to meet up. _And_ we need to go shopping.’

“What?”

“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” The eyeroll is almost audible. “You’re getting a makeover.”


End file.
